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Save me from answering systems

I’m sure you’ve tried to call a business and ended up on their automated answering system. You know the type, “Press 1 for English, press 2 for Spanish, press 3 for Belarusian.

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Immediately after pressing a number the music starts and my stomach always twists into a knot. I’ve spent years with a phone against my ear while waiting for human assistance. Eventually, my ear starts to hurt and I’ll need to use the bathroom. That’s bad enough, but while waiting I’m forced to hear music that I would never listen to unless trapped in a dungeon, an elevator, or compelled to stay on the phone.

Then I hear a voice. “Your call is important to us; please remain on the line and we’ll be with you shortly.” It’s not a human, merely a disembodied demon sent to torment me in phone purgatory. If my call were important I would be speaking to an actual flesh and blood person.

More instrumental music.

“Please wait on the line and a representative will be with you shortly.”

Endless inane music.

Yes, I’ve been writing this while waiting on hold—but now I’m going to hang up and find a company that actually values my business.


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